When I first started using the pill I was 16 going on to 17. Now I wasn’t using it for contraception, the reason I was using it was because Mother Nature had so kindly gifted me with some majorly painful periods! Not only were they painful, I was having a period every 2 weeks, and let’s be honest, nobody wants blood coming out of them twice a month, it’s bad enough having it just once a month! Anyway, the doctor gave me Rigevidon like most teenage girls are given, i’m assuming because it’s the cheapest to manufacture. The first few months were great, having a regular period was A-MA-ZING!!! It wasn’t until a few months into uni that I started to feel funny, I definitely wasn’t myself. I went from going out to parties every weekend to laying in bed shunning every party invitation sent my way (now if I’m turning down a party then you KNOW something isn’t right!). If I’m honest, at the time I couldn’t really tell much of a difference in my personality, I knew I was more emotional than normal but I just put that down to my hormones, I was determined that I hadn’t changed and that I was still my happy self!
It got to 2nd term and I pretty much never went into classes, I hardly saw any of my uni friends! I’d wake up in the morning and just have no motivation to get up, I didn’t want to be awake and I couldn’t face being around everyone when I felt so low. Even when I did go in I always felt like I was bringing a massive grey cloud along with me and ruining everyone’s fun. I hated it. I hated myself. Why wasn’t I happy?! I had an amazing boyfriend, an incredible group of friends around me and I was doing the course that I loved with all my heart! Surely I should have been happy? I got a lot of stick for not going into uni, however, unless you’ve suffered from depression you’ll never know the feeling of waking up in the morning and not wanting the day to start. I always made sure to keep on top of my work so that when assessments came I knew I’d be able to pass them. And I did. I passed every single one. Along with feeling very down, I also began to get very ill, my immune system was so weak and I’d catch absolutely every bug that went around! I’d been backwards and forwards from the doctors in the hope they could tell me what was going on and not one of them could figure out why I felt like I did. I just wanted to go back to my old self!
It wasn’t until I had gone home for Easter break that I realised I wasn’t okay. Both my Mum and my Nanna kept telling me that I wasn’t myself, that I was always down and never smiled. And they were so right! I never wanted to admit that I was depressed but I was. I went from a bright and bubbly girl to a quiet and reserved one. They suggested that my pill could be the reason (all the women in my family have suffered from depression when using the pill). I made the decision to come off of the pill and see how I felt and I kid you not within TWO WEEKS of being off it- I was back to my old self! I felt so happy! I’d not felt like that in so long! I actually wanted to go out and leave the house, I was even looking forward to going into uni. I stayed away from the pill for about 6 months and stuck to using condoms (I hated it but it was a HELL of a lot better than being an emotional wreck 24/7!). It wasn’t until I’d had my miscarriage in October 2016 that I decided to try out a new pill. This time I tried Cerelle, recommended by my doctor. Once again, the first few months were great, but then the exact same feelings started to kick in. My mood swings were all over the place, i felt the lowest I had ever felt, and it got to the point where I wanted to end it all. Now it obviously didn’t help that I was struggling with my miscarriage, but I genuinely felt that it would be better if I wasn’t here anymore. I’d never had those kind of thoughts before and they scared me. I felt like I was a burden on everyone and that I was just bringing them down. I decided to come off of the pill for good in March 2017 and honestly it was the best thing I’ve ever done. No type of contraception is worth making you feel like that!!! I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy! If it means I have to stick to condoms for the rest of my life then so be it, but for no reason will I ever choose the pill as my contraceptive method ever again! If the pill works for you then GREAT!!!! Stick with it!! But if you’re using the pill and you’re not feeling right, TRUST YOUR GUT! Go to the doctors and speak to them about how you feel, I left mine for too long and it made me more ill than I needed to be! We know our bodies well enough to know when something doesn’t feel right, we just need to trust ourselves more!
I hope this has been some sort of help for any of you in a similar situation as I was a few months back! If you have any questions feel free to leave a comment or to send me a message on my twitter account @MeganBethBlogs