So, like I said in my last post, I wanted to use my blog to be able to talk about past experiences, almost like a public diary, not only to get everything off my chest but to also be there for others who may have been in the same situations. So this post is just a little background check on yours truly, and will hopefully give you an insight into my mad life!
Well, you already know the basics about me, name, age, where I live and so on, but I’ll go into a bit more detail for you. As you will have seen in my last post, I’m a training actor currently studying in Northampton. I’ve been acting since I was roughly about 4 years old after I joined a drama academy nearby, instantly I fell in love with it and the older I got the more I knew it was what I wanted to pursue later on in life. It was also an escape for me, from the age of 3 to 11 and a half, I was abused by my step-mum, nobody knew about it as I was too scared to speak up about what was happening to me, but it was a really rough time for me. But, my acting helped me get away from that, I think really I just loved the idea of being somebody else for a while instead of being me. Anyway, moving away from all that doom and gloom, i then (like every other pre-pubescent girl) decided I wanted to be a worldwide pop star and set up my own YouTube account to post extremely cringe worthy videos of me singing some extremely cringe worthy songs (I sang Superbass by Nicki Minaj… Enough said). However you’ll never find those awful videos as I eventually had some common sense to take them down and block my channel, THANK GOD!
When it came to choosing a university to go to I knew I didn’t want to be too far from home (I get majorly home sick!), so Northampton seemed like a great place to be, and along with being close by it also meant I had family in areas close by too. My first few weeks of uni were rough, asides from nursing an awful hangover nearly every day of freshers, I was also struggling with being away from my family, my anxiety just blew up, I wasn’t eating properly and honestly I can’t believe how much weight I lost! I was so close to leaving uni, I felt like I was never going to be able to cope with it! It wasn’t until my friends told me to try out tinder that my life changed. Now I was very sceptical about this, I wasn’t exactly one for awkward small talk with some weirdo, but I threw myself in anyway! The first message I received was “Hello trouble xxx” and instantly I rolled my eyes, who was this absolute cringe bag?! Well turns out he was my future boyfriend haha!!! Me and Liam have been together now for a year and a half, and if I’m honest he’s the only thing that was keeping me at uni! As much as he drives me nuts, he’s been my absolute rock since being in Northampton. February of 2016 I was in and out of doctors appointments and hospital check ups, I really wasn’t feeling great, and he was constantly there making sure I was okay, he even ended up letting me live with him for a few months (he didn’t know what he was letting himself in for)! Anyway long story short, I found out in April that my pill had given me awful depression and anxiety, so that was straight in the bin after finding that out! The next few months were great after that, I felt so happy with everything going on in my life. Then it got to September and my mood swings were UNREAL! Now don’t get me wrong I can be a right moody cow, but this was something else. I didn’t quite feel myself, I was feeling sick, emotional 24/7 and my boobs were starting to look like melons! My period was a couple of weeks late, however I’ve never been one for regular periods (thanks body), but I thought I’d do a pregnancy test just to make sure, and to my relief it came back negative. I still didn’t feel right but hey, what the test says must be right…. right? A few days after taking the test I was on my way down to the airport with Liam and some friends when I became really ill, i thought it was a combination of nerves (because I’m an awful flyer) and period (as I’d just started bleeding that night). It got so bad at the airport I nearly had to miss my flight, as I couldn’t stop throwing up. A few weeks went by and I was still having what I assumed was a period so I went to the doctors only to discover I was actually in the middle of having a miscarriage. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. That hit me and Liam hard, we didn’t speak about it for 2 weeks, neither of us really knew how to feel. That put a strain on us as my depression came back in full swing, but like always Liam stood by me and took all my tantrums on the chin. Counselling helped a lot with getting through it, just having someone to talk to was great! Since then me and Liam have been great, yeah we have our typical fights but who doesn’t? So you see, you can find love on tinder, you just need to stay clear of the weirdos on there!
So there you have it, a backstory as to how I’ve become the person I am today! If you have any questions at all don’t hesitate to ask!